WOW!  Is this for real?   

"For over 100 years we've been SCRUNCHING and FOLDING toilet paper. Finally there's a better way!"

Um, I didn't realize there WAS a problem.  Did people really have issues with "touching" dirty toilet paper?  Just fold it over stupid.  And who the F scrunches it up like that to wipe their ass?  No wonder you are getting shit on your hands you morons!

Oh!   I see who they are trying to "reach" with the Comfort Wipe.  All the fat mofos that can't reach their ass.   

"Being a big guy certainly has it's advantages and it's disadvantages."

What were those advantages again?  I'm pretty sure this dude can't see his penis or walk up a flight of stairs without sweating through his shirt and passing out so any "advantage" he has for being a fat bastard is pretty much nullified.  Winning a pie eating competition is not something I really need to do.

"Extend your reach a full 18 inches."

YIKES!  If you need that much extra reach you should probably just kill yourself.  Wait a minute!  It's not just fat people?  Old people want in on this too?

"It's embarrassing to have someone help you with your personal matters.  The Comfort Wipe allows you to maintain your dignity while you maintain your personal hygene."  

HA!  I'm pretty sure any dignity you had left just flew out the window as soon as you signed on to do this awful infomercial.  I guess Social Security wasn't paying the bills anymore. 

This might be the most retarded infomercial product ever!  RIDICULOUS!!!

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